I Wish I Were a Wizard

by Meredith Winnett

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this yet in any of my blogs, but I am OBSESSED WITH HARRY POTTER. It’s literally my entire life. This morning I woke up and was really thirsty, so rather than go get some water I yelled “Aguamenti”. It didn’t work. I got really upset at myself for being a muggle.


Anyway. I was reading through some blogs today and I came across this. If you don’t want to read, basically the publishers are re-releasing the Harry Potter series in FULL COLOR. I am wicked excited. Check out the article for a sneak peak at some of the new illustrations. They are absolutely beautiful.


English: Alternate coat of arms of Hogwarts sc...

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In honor of this great news, let’s make a list of the Harry Potter spells I wish I could use every day.

  • Accio
    This is the summoning charm. Imagine this: You’re sitting in bed and you realize you left your phone across the room. Laziness takes over and you decide to stay in bed and forget about answering that text from your mom. But wait. YOU’RE A WIZARD, READER! Just yell out “Accio phone” and it’s in your hand just like that.
  • Aguamenti
    This spell would have come in handy this morning when my mouth was as dry as the Sahara. Pull out your wand, grab a cup, and say the spell. You’ll have infinite water without leaving bed! How are all wizards not obese? They never have to get up. Real world application: Travel to Africa and supply clean water to the population. Use your magic for good! But you can also use it to fuel your laziness.
  • Episkey
    Episkey heals minor wounds. You’re at work and aw crap. A paper cut. You know that bitch is going to hurt! Not when you can use Episkey! I have a cut on my thumb which is very inconvenient so this would come in handy like now. This would be great too if you had young kids who are always getting hurt. Sure they won’t learn their lesson, but at least you don’t have to worry about them picking scabs and getting infections!
  • Locomotor
    This spell is usually followed by the name of an object you want to move. So you’re in the airport and the strap to your luggage breaks (this happened to me the day I was leaving for Vietnam. try lugging around a suitcase with no strap through 8 airports…). Say “Locomotor suitcase”, and the suitcase will go wherever you point your wand to.
  • Lumos
    This turns your wand into a flashlight. Using this spell would be so much easier than bringing up the flashlight on your iPhone! I can never get that bottom bar up when I need it. I doubt I’d even need my iPhone anymore because I’d be too busy using my wand to make fun things happen! Goodbye, Candy Crush!
    This is countered by Nox.
  • Muffliato
    I would use this all the time in the library! Muffliato makes it so people nearby can’t hear your conversations. I’d throw this little spell out and talk to whoever’s with me the entire time. No more people getting mad at me because I’m so damn loud!
  • Orchideous
    Orchideous makes a bouquet of flowers appear from your wand. My mom would get SO MANY FLOWERS!
  • Pack
    This one’s self explanatory. It packs up whatever object you need packed. Running late for class? Have magic pack your bag. Don’t want to pack for a trip? Have magic do it. Yes please.
  • Permanent Sticking Charm
    I would simply use this to permanently decorate my house for Christmas. That’s it.
  • Portus
    This spell turns an object into a portkey. Portkeys help you teleport. I want to teleport.
  • Refilling Charm
    Another self explanatory spell. It refills whatever drink you want. This would be great with coffee and beer. For example, I just finished my eggnog latte from Dunkies. I want more. If I weren’t a stupid muggle, I’d have more.
  • Reparo
    This repairs broken objects. Broken iPhone? No problem. Break your glasses again? 1. Stop being careless 2. Use Reparo.
  • Scourgify
    The cleaning charm. YES. GIVE ME ALL THE CLEAN!
  • The Unbreakable Vow
    This is the crazy lady’s favorite spell. If I ever get married, it’ll be under an unbreakable vow. If said future husband breaks his vows, he simply dies and I’m not mad.

I also want a broom. MAKE ME FLY.